When It's Night-Time in Italy It's Wednesday Over Here

A Rah-Rah-Rah-Rah college boy threw all his books away.
He said, "I've lost my appetite, my hair is turning grey.
I know my Greek and History, and Latin is a "pie",
But if East is East and West is West, then won't you tell me why

When it's night time in Italy it's Wednesday over here.
When it's fish day in Germany,
You can't get shaved in Massachusetts.
How high is up? I'd like to know.
How low is down? And when will we have snow?
If you bump into Gallager you'll find that Shean is near
When it's night-time in Italy it's Wednesday over here."

When it's night time in Italy it's Wednesday over here.
When it's Christmas in Albany,
They're catching fish in Scandanavia.
That's right, you're wrong.
No, no; you're wrong; that's right.
Although the days are long
It's always cool at night.
If you can't play the piccolo
The holidays are near
When it's night time in Italy and Wednesday over here.

This Rah-Rah-Rah-Rah college boy stood up in class and said,
"I looked up my Geography, and found out Ceasar's dead!
The reason I speak Portuguese is I'm some clever guy.
But if "parley vous" means "how are you"
then won't you tell me why

When it's night-time in Italy it's Wednesday over here.
All the onions in Sicily make people cry in California.
You drive a horse. I drive a Ford.
That doesn't prove a sailor is a board.
If you talk to an Eskimo his breath will freeze your ear.
When it's night-time in Italy it's Wednesday over here.

When it's night-time in Italy it's Wednesday over here.
When it's wash day in Piccardy
They're eating ice cream cones in Georgia
Sixteen and four makes thirty one.
Take eight from five and your day's work is done.
There are people who hesitate, but corned-beef makes them cheer
When it's night-time in Italy and Wednesday over here.

When it's night time in Italy, it's Wednesday over here.
When the wind blows in Louisville,
I always dream of Julius Caesar.
Young folks are young, of course
And old folks are old, why not.
Fire is very hot, but ice is sometimes cold.
Try and fondle a porcupine, what makes ice cream so dear?
When it's night time in Italy, it's Wednesday over here.

I saw a Chinaman
Fight a Scandanavian.
Up steped an Englishman, and said, "I'd like to speak.
Why kick this man around?
Why strike him when he's down?
Just hit him with a hammer and then bite him on his cheek!"

Up stepped an Irish cop
Who said, "This fight will have to stop.
I'd like to know what the scrap is all about".
They said, "When we tell you,
It will drive you nutty too."
And so they held the traffic up while they tried to figure out.

When it's night-time in Italy, it's Wednesday over here.
When the snow falls in Araby
They're squeezing grapes in California.
Look at you here. Grass on the dew.
Leather shoes are black, but other shoes are new.
If there's sunshine in Washington, what makes the moonshine dear?
When it's night time in Italy, it's Wednesday over here.

If you lay on a mattress, you'll find that spring is near.
If you haven't an appetite, just think of Paul Revere.
By the time that they pass a bill to bring back wine and beer,
It'll be night-time in Italy and Wednesday over here.