photograph

Holding on to you when my time runs out
We'll be in a different story
Watching over you, even when I'm gone
It's not my fault but I'm still sorry
It's a long way, but you're gonna laugh
Like you used to when I took this photograph
I will fade away when the sun goes down
You're not alone cause I'll be holding on

Dear Mom, I don't know how to start this
I got too many demons hiding under the carpets
I got too many reasons to give up but I started off full of hope
and I'm trying to recapture
All the feelings that I had when I was five
Mixed up with the consciousness I gained when you died
I don't think I questioned why,
I just wanted more time to talk to you,
so you'd tell me and explain what it's like
Do you know how it feels to love someone so much
That even when they're gone, you feel the love and it burns?
Knowing you would love them over anybody else
And that you'll never tell 'em just how grateful you felt and still do
I wish I met the real you, Mom
Helped care for my bro, did my best, I think you could see
Sat next to his bed, read him stories
and did that same noise with the toys you used to do with me

Holding on to you when my time runs out
We'll be in a different story
Watching over you, even when I'm gone
It's not my fault but I'm still sorry
It's a long way, but you're gonna laugh
Like you used to when I took this photograph
I will fade away when the sun goes down
You're not alone cause I'll be holding on

It's fucked up to think if I was this age then
Maybe I could've helped or even saved
damn
I don't even let myself think about it like that
Maybe insecurities come from how you left like that
But I love you too much to ever drop down the fight path
It was hard for me, you're right
I could only imagine how it was for my dad
But I love my past
Dark times made me better than I asked

It's fine, I just needed to vent
I rose through life, I can do it again
And the roses I brought you last birthday
I hope you like white, still, you know my intent
No, I ain't gonna pretend I don't wish you were alive (no)
But if you were I probably would have never touched a mic (mic)
There were times that I prayed, lost you and myself along the way
But I'm no longer afraid, I can almost hear you say

Holding on to you when my time runs out
We'll be in a different story
Watching over you, even when I'm gone
It's not my fault but I'm still sorry
It's a long way, but you're gonna laugh
Like you used to when I took this photograph
I will fade away when the sun goes down
You're not alone cause I'll be holding on