Counting Eighteen

(Verse One)
Eighteen
Just a number to most people
A sense of freedom to some
To people like me
Who see what is to come ahead
Who dread it, who fear it, who avoid it
I've been trying to do that
But in reality, I think I'm too scared to actually do it
But, at the same time, it's all I ever think about
The sweet release of death
The eternal darkness that I can almost swim in
I crave death like someone craves their favorite food
Most of the time, they can't have it
That's like me
I can't have what I'm craving
It's right in front of me
I'm too scared to reach out and take it
I wasn't made for adulthood
I wasn't supposed to make it past 14 years old
But, I did
And I don't know where the fuck I'm supposed to go now

(Chorus)
Counting eighteen
With trembling fingers
Here I am stuck
Put through the wringer
I wish I was dead
Out like a light switch
I am so trapped
Life has made me its bitch
Counting eighteen
With trembling fingers
Here I am stuck
Been put through the wringer
I wish I was dead
Out like a light switch
I am so trapped
Life has made me its bitch