Gone 'Til November [Excerpt]

I’ve never been one who doesn’t take full
Responsibility for his actions, but damn
I really don’t deserve this
If I hadn’t traded my blue Marc Jacobs jeans
White polo, and gray Vans for green onesies
I wouldn’t have believed this shit myself

I had to talk to the prison psychiatrist
When I got here i told her
That I shouldn’t be talking to her
Because I’m not crazy … but
I ended up really enjoying
Her conversation is
That crazy? We talked about traveling
The world, where we’ve been and where
We would like to go
BUT both of us were in jail … crazy!

My next conversation didn't go so well as I
Was being led to the captain's office
I was still just trying to figure out what I
Was about to go through i got lost in
The thought of how each step that I made
Was one step farther from everything that I
Love and to what? A
World of dysfunction, disrespect
And distrust come to think of it
It is sort of like the music
Biz only without the female groupies

As soon as I sat down in the captain's
Office, his exact first words to me were
"Don't fuck with my
Staff!" Damn! Definitely won't be getting
Any celebrity treatment from
The captain the whole conversation
Was him telling me
"Don't come in here trying to be what you are
You're not gonna ‘Lil Wayne’
Up this mothafucka!"

All I was thinking was
Since there's nothing else
To explain here, I'm done with this dude
So just take me to my cell
And I'll stay out of
Your way after the captain's great words of
Discouragement, I was handed a towel, two
Sheets, a toothbrush, toothpaste, and a green
Cup oh yeah, and a cell, cell 29
As soon as I heard the
Cell door lock behind me
I just sat on the back wall and the
Tears began to flow as I
Took my first glimpse
At my new digs: three buckets, one bed
One toilet that was surprisingly
Kind of clean (emphasis on kind of)
A rusty-ass sink with a
Mirror the size of a small notepad, a desk
And a window a clothesline was left
Hanging in the cell i decided
To leave it because I figured
It would come in handy

I got in just in time for chow, which is the
Overall term used for what
They call breakfast, lunch
And dinner i only ate the veggies because I
Wasn't too sure what the other stuff was

I wasn't in the mood to do much socializing
So I kept the first day meet
And greet short i guess not
Everybody on staff got the captain's memo
Because two CO’s were suspended
For trying to come up and see
Me females of course maybe
There will be some female groupies
In the bitch after all

Fuck one down!

Welcome 2 Da Family

Woke up at 4 am for breakfast "chow" I had
Coffee that was given to me along with some
Other "goodies" The guys on my tier made me
Feel like I was a part of a
Family like a brotherhood i was
The new brother and
They showed me love just like one all
In all, they gave me magazines, tea
Some better soap than the prison's soap
An earphone radio, and extra chow

There's Chris
Who gave me the radio he looks 15 years
Old, like he's in here for
Stealing gum there's Lawson
Who gave me the magazines and
Taught me how to
Use the phone twenty-one minutes
Every five hours sheesh!
There's Herb he gave me some advice
On how to do this time shit like
Make sure to stick to myself
And to create a daily regimen
To keep myself busy
Every day he suggested working out
But I know my body ain't built
For that there's Al, whose cell is
Across from mine he's 50-something
But he acts 20-something reminds me
Of an old Mafia guy
Then there's Coach! The guy that
Likes guys you know
It had to be one of those but
He can and will get anything you need i
Guess you can call him a "sweetheart
" haha!

Now, as far as the CO’s, there's one who
Really stood out white dude he's loud, funny
And mad cool he kept it so real
With me from the jump, like
"Stay away from all these bitch-ass
Niggas none of them are your
Friends" Him being a CO
He knew why everybody was up in this bitch
Let's just say that he pointed out all
The dudes who became gangstas
Mysteriously overnight when they
Found out that I was coming haha!

And then there's Ms burke owwww! She's so
Sexy! She has a head full
Of gray hair, but she's not old
I'm not sure what caused it
But she said that her hair has
Been gray since she was 13
My first impression was that it's
Just her swag and she
Dyed it gray on purpose that's how
Cool it looks on her
I mean she's fine as hell
I'd definitely hit it!

Still Got It!

Shot hoops with Al in the yard i
Sucked he was much better and he's
57! No sooner when I got back to
The cell at 2: 45 pm, i was back
Out to take the test
For the suicidal-protection
Aide job i passed with a 100, no
Lie guess I still got it and I
Guess I still get that moola, baby
Because SPA is the highest
Paying job an inmate
Can get the job is basically to
Monitor the tier for an eight-hour shift and
If someone wants to hang up
(meaning to kill themselves)
To not negotiate with them or try to
Talk them out of it, but just
To alert an officer yeah, it's that real

When I got back to the cell
I wrote some rhymes and did
Some push-ups until about
4: 30 ended up playing
Checkers with Dominicano lost!

Then I had to get ready for
My visit, which was Tez, Mack
And EI that was a great visit i
Miss them niggas had chow when
I got back it was this chicken
Special that Coach and LL make
Shit was great! Also made my own
Rice and noodles with it and
Put it on a tortilla wrap shit
Was awesome i felt fat
Used the phone cautiously spoke to my little
Man DMC i I I, he said, "Da da"
Fucked up that I had to hear it for
The first time in here, but still, yeah!

Showered up quickly then had tea it's 10:
45 pm and I'm back in
My cell listening to a game in
The earphones as I write this

Push-ups, prayer, sleep another day gone!

Jailhouse Rap

Read fan mail got some
Nice pictures today and
Marisa sent me some Marc
Jacobs cashmere socks, yeah!

Some people write the most
Bugged-out things everything
From wanting to fall asleep with
My dick in their mouth, to that
I rep my city "astronomically"! Crazy
Man! I love it! Also read the new Rolling
Stone and I was in it yeah!

I rapped for the first time on
The yard for Charlie and Jamaica
It's crazy that I've performed in
Front of millions of people
Since I was 8 years old
But for some reason I was
Nervous as hell rapping has always
Been second nature to me
But my creativity has definitely been put
To a test since being in
This bitch i absolutely refuse to
Rap about being in jail
It's not who I am AND it's
Not who I'm going to
Be! I hope they liked it i think they did

Chris gave me two bags of Doritos i gave
Him some bubble gum it wasn't a trade
Just two generous guys but yeah
Someone blessed me
With some gum, a Now and Later
And a Jawbreaker today yeah!

As a Man

I woke up still feeling fucked up about the
Fucked-up day that I had hell is
What it was! I'm used to arguing with
My girl on a daily basis
But finding out that she fucked Drake was the
Absolute worst thing I could've found out

As a man, honestly, that shit hurt
And not because it was Drake
It could've been any
Man and it would've hurt the same she
Said it happened way before we got together
But she just never
Told me when Drizzy came to
See me, he was like
"yeah it's true don't fuck with her like
That ’cause I did fuck her" Damn!

This is the type of shit
That a man never wants
To find out while he's locked up or maybe so
’cause only God knows what
I would've done if I wasn't locked
Up right now as soon as
I found out, I told them to just lock me in
And I've basically just been by myself in my
Cell for the last couple of days

Not sure how long I would've stayed in
There if it weren't for Charlie
His fat ass wasn't going to let
Me just sit up in this
Bitch and not eat he was like
"I don't give a fuck what
You're mad about, we cooking no matter
What, nigga come on man, let's eat!"
As a man I'll admit it: That
Shit really fucked me up
But hey fuck that ho!

Love is blind
That's why I say make sure that
Bitch is a seeing-eye dog

Another one gone!

He Runs the City

I woke up feeling like today
Was going to be different
For some reason i couldn't put
My finger on it
But there seemed to be a buzz
In the building i had my
Morning coffee like usual and chilled in
The dayroom waiting on my
Visit and what a great visit it
Was diddy kept his word
And visited me today it was
Total chaos! Every captain in
The building was down there! Even the
Deps and the warden! Everyone
Just wanted to see him it
Was kind of aggravating
But it is what it is

Here No More

Today started out on some regular day shit
But that's definitely not the
Way it ended jamaica
Got deported we were just chilling in
This bitch and they just came and
Got him like he had
A visit the only difference was
They were like, "Jamaica
Pack up your shit" Damn!

The fucked-up thing is that Jamaica
And I have become damn
Do I dare use the "F" word in jail but really
Have become like friends he was
Always asking me if
I could help him out with
A lawyer or something just
To keep him here because
He was facing deportation

At first, I would just brush it off
But it got to the point that I reacted as
If he were one of my homies that I
Grew up with i was like, "Nigga
Don't ask me for shit just because you know
I got it it's because of me that
We're eating right up in this bitch don't
Stretch it by asking for a lawyer
And shit" That's really how I looked at it
At the time i really didn't know
It was that serious i guess he really
Did need a better lawyer damn!

The whole ordeal made me realize
How there are no real
Friends in jail as fucked up as that sounds
That's the reality i remember when White told
Me that he was like
"Y'all niggas can be as cool as you want
In here you niggas can fight together
Eat together, play ball together
And all that shit but nobody ever gets out of
This bitch on the same day and whoever
Gets out of this bitch
First ain't worrying about
Nobody ass that still up in here"

I pray for everybody in here
But I really don't see myself keeping
In touch with anybody but
A couple of CO’s who never
Acted like dicks toward me

What a day … at least it's another one gone!

What's Really Real

Damn, I woke up this morning missing having
Normal conversations about everyday
Shit the only
Time that I can have anything close
To a normal conversation is with
A CO i can't even begin to try
And have that type of convo
With an inmate because they're always lying
About whatever they're talking about

I'd have to be the
Most gullible mothafucka on
The planet to believe the stories that these
Niggas tell me up in here i mean
Like everybody in this bitch is a
King, a boss
Or a killer everybody either has or
Has had a billion dollars it's
Kind of sad because I know that they're
Just trying to boost their egos
Which is probably why most
Of these mothafuckas are
In here in the first place your life
Has to be crazy as fuck when jail
Is the place to boost your ego

I don't ever want to come back to
This bitch! There's absolutely
Nothing cool about
Jail it's nasty it's dirty everything is
Fucking used getting something new in
The bitch is like winning the lottery you
Have to be a certain mothafucka
To get new shit and since I
Get new bedsheets and shit
It's a good thing that
I'm that certain mothafucka!

When I got back from the yard
I just stayed on the phone
As much as possible i
Was really craving some normal conversation
I'm sure this was
All caused by this dude telling
Me to slow down
Because I was beginning to act like an inmate

I got into an argument on the yard and
Went straight gorilla i was as un–Lil
Wayne as I could get i was in
A nigga face like, Fuck you, nigga
What's good? Niggas had to hold me back
And shit that's when this dude
Was like, "You go home to something nobody
Else in here goes home to dude
Leave that nigga alone he'll be back
In this bitch next month you
Don't want to be back
In this bitch, man don't act
That way go home
Bro you're a millionaire you're a
Superstar so act like one"
I couldn't argue with that
Shit damn and yeah!

The Remix, Baby

Who knew that my spirit was about to be
Lifted through the roof! Tez was like, "We
Want you to be on Drake's remix" I
Was like, "How?" And he was like
"We're going to do it over
The phone" I'm like
"Shit i don't have anything else
Better to do up in this bitch, so
Let's go!" After I finished running it
I was kinda nervous on how it was going
To be received this was the first time
That I haven't been in the studio to hear
The playback before a song goes out

I can't front
I'm really bugging out knowing that I can
Record a song AND it would
Be on the radio and
Everything my main thought
Is, Damn if I can do this
I'm about to go to the studio
Every night i told Tez
To have the mic on standby from here on out

Nothing else that happened today
Mattered nothing can
Touch how happy I am my creativity
Is at an all-time high right now!
I'm actually looking forward to tomorrow

Writing, writing
And more writing! Another one!

So Blessed

Just got back from my visit i
Have the best friends, fans
And family in the world i've been in
This bitch for a good minute now
And have never missed a visit yet you
Get two visit's a week and
I haven't missed one yet! That shit is
Incredible ’cause I've never seen Jamaica
Get a visit the only visit I
Saw him get was the mothafuckas
Who deported his ass came and got him
Coach has never got a visit dominicano
Has never got a visit charlie has
Never got a visit i got
Every visit I was supposed to get i've
Been able to look forward to
Seeing someone every chance I was able
To see someone tHANK GOD!

I even feel blessed when I argued with my
Girl during visit's because it would become
The topic of my day and by the
Time we spoke later that day
The argument was so amplified in my head
That I couldn’t wait to jump on
The phone with her being that
She was dealing with
Real-life shit and not up in the hellhole
She would normally have forgotten
About the whole thing and be
On some "I love you
Baby" vibe i'm like, BITCH! That
Shit might sound crazy
But it's awesome to have something
To look forward to
That takes your mind out of being in jail!

I told her I didn't want her to wear
Any panties so I can look at
Her pussy and shit one time but since
I never wear the same T-shirt, boxers, or
Socks more than one time EVER, my nigga
EI always brings me new T-shirts, boxers
And socks every visit and they
Have these extensive-ass
Searches before you come in here
So they made her put on a pair of boxers
Because they knew she didn't
Have on panties damn!

I have to give props where props
Are due big shout-out to
Diddy, Chris Paul, and Kanye for
Coming to see me, especially with
Their schedules i know that they had
To go through some extra
Shit, because you just can't walk
In this bitch and say
"I want to see Dwayne Carter"

It's lock-in, so push-ups, Bible
Prayer, slow jams, and sleep another one!